Good. Maybe.

Trying to live a life more deeply examined, there are so many lessons. This is hard, there are so many distractions. Clearly, it would be easier to be comfortably numb. 

It is not the windfalls and repercussions which arise in our lives that define us, it is how we interpret the outcomes and more so, how we choose to deal with them.  Whether good or bad, It is our perspective, our reaction and our ownership of the situation and outcome that dictates what happens next and that which determines our path of growth.

Our life just doesn't happen to us, it is not a pre-destined thing that we wait and watch unfold, rather, it is designed by us. It is designed little by little over the years by the choices we make, the morals and character we keep, the sacrifices and concessions we make, the promises we fulfill, and the lies and deception we breed into our existence. Our decisions are the proceeds of the choices we are presented with, these decisions are under our control. We can chose to fight, or to give up. We can choose to be honest or deceive. We can choose to be lazy or to be inspired. We can choose to be kind or cruel.  We can choose to fear or to be courageous. We choose our words and our behavior; we can choose to be a victim or be happy. This is about recognizing that there are choices, and taking ownership of our decisions, the good and the not so good.  

This life is about looking for the truth in all things, it is about examining ourselves deeply. This is about choices and decisions, the hard and the easy. This is about change and growth. This is about seeing things as they are, not as we choose to see them. Because, after all, in the hopes of catching happiness by the tail, perhaps we are merely trying to construct our lives into the ones we wish and hope them to be. And, that is unrealistic, a lie, and impossible. Thus, it is about looking for the truth in the things that come our way, or that we welcome our way and looking for the "good" in them, and the "maybe's" in them.

Life is about looking for the truth, and truly recognizing the lies we tell ourselves that foolishly make us think we are constructing that happy life we want, wish and hope for. The real truth is that we design a happy life by our choices, our words, and our actions.  Happiness, kindness, truth, compassion, they must be a consciously chosen and executed daily ritual, like taking a shower. These things do not come to you because it is a Tuesday morning, they come because of the choice we make to exercise them daily. Our life and thus our happiness, amongst other things, is under our control. We must not default into the lazy path, the one making excuses, that enables us to continue on our present stagnant path. The hard won lessons and self growth do not come easily.

Some days I am strong enough, and clear enough, to choose to look for the "good" in all things, and of course wise enough to watch out for the jaundiced "maybe".  Choosing and executing the high roads every day is not easy; I fail, often, very often. Don't we all ? This is the ultimate, unending lesson and exercise.

And, it takes time to get these lessons down right, but the problem is, we think we have time. Good. Maybe.


*A final thought for the reader,
I write for me, and me alone. However, I share what I write because if there is any possibility that my words can reach just one person with similar woes or thoughts, perhaps it can re-weave more than one tapestry and change more lives exponentially than my own. I write about the things in life that I question, things that vex me, tear at me, twist me, things that bounce around my mind and leave me without peace and clarity.  I choose to write about them when they grow, it is a manner of final confrontation to silence them by finding honest meaning in them. I do this in the great hopes that in my final days my last breath can be a peaceful exhale, and not an anxious final gripping and denying struggle for the things I denied resolving. This fear fuels my existence, for me, this is my process.
As Hunter Thompson was once quoted, "One of the few ways I can almost be certain I'll understand something is by sitting down and writing about it. Because by forcing yourself to write about it and putting it down in words, you can't avoid having to come to grips with it. You might be wrong, but you have to think about it very intensely to write about it. So I use writing as a learning tool. "